I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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