I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
