i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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