i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
