youre lurking in front of me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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