I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
