We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
