I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
