I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
