i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Me too!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
