I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
As shirtless as possible
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
