big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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