No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just crazy horny about you
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
