I am in a vortex of obligation.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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