Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
