so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
