i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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