she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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