dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
