I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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