plz talk dirty to me
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
