What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
