He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
