I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
