it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
