what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
