you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
