So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My nipple is on Facebook.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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