the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Randomize
