Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
