Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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