I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
