I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
