Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
