Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
