actually, I'm a sock model
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
