separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Your penis caused this!
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