GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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