He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
