lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
