you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
