the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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