I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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