He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need to calm my uterus...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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