I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
