Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
