She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
