I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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