today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
