I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
