Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
