yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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