I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I need to stop coming to work sober
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
