I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
