Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
