i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
