U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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