i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
