I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
