On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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