i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
