remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
