dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
