arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
